Struggles

This may come as a shocker, but I'm what some may label as stubborn.

Yes.  I know.  I'll give you a moment.

I prefer to call it tenacity. 

Nicer ring to it.

Whatever you call it, it's been with me for as long as I can remember.

It hasn't always been a negative trait.  There have been times in my life where it's paid off and I've prevailed.


But looking back, I can say that most of the time it's made things a bit difficult on me.

For example:

In college, fresh in my discovery of DD, I decided I would take on the task of molding the man I was dating into the perfect Dom.  Sure he couldn't keep a job, was on academic probation for the second time in his 7 year college "plan" and had the classic deer in headlights look every time I uttered a word with more than 3 syllables. I could FIX him.  Make him into what I needed.  My own social experiment.

For years, YEARS  I worked on him.  Precious energy wasted.  We parted ways for reasons I won't get into here (two words: stripper and rent money.  I'll let your imagination run with that.)

The point of this (other than releasing a bit of old animosity..did I mention I hold grudges too?)  is that I couldn't throw in the towel, even when there were signs all over the place.

Present day- It's becoming a problem.

Stubbornness is getting in the way of my submission.

Although it's not a constant problem, I find myself digging my heels in on some occasions. It makes the act of submitting more of a process.  Aaron has to crack the shell of hardheadedness before he can even reach the good stuff.  

After the cracking has commenced and he's gotten through, there is a ping of guilt.  I feel like I'm not "walking the walk" correctly.  I tell myself that next time, I'm going to just ignore my first reaction and not fight what I know works for us so well.  

But that next time comes, and I keep digging in.

Do others struggle with the same problem?