Expectations

The streets were dark with something more than night.
Raymond Chandler

About a week ago I was with a friend, K, for a bit of shopping and dinner downtown.  As we were leaving, I asked if her husband was going to pick her up, or if I needed to drive her home.  She laughed and told me that she was going to walk the 6 blocks or so back to her apartment, no big deal.  Now, K is petite and this particular part of downtown has been known for it's unsavory atmosphere.  I kept insisting that she let me take her home, but she kept laughing it off as no big deal.  I struck a deal with her that she at least had to text me when she got home so I wouldn't worry.

Last night, we were over at their apartment for a dinner party.  K began to talk to her husband about how concerned I was with her safety and how "cute" it was that I cared so much.  I turned to her husband thinking he would agree with me.  Instead, he laughed and shook his head, as if it wasn't a big deal.  When I at least suggested mace, or a knife (ok, the knife may have been a bit of an exaggerated suggestion on my part) or something, his response was " Don't give her any of that, she'll use it on me."

His reaction bugged me.  Where was the reaction I was looking for?  Shouldn't there be some concern for her safety?  Shouldn't he have told her under no circumstances would she ever walk home alone?  At least a acknowledgment that there was some concern.

She kept saying "Monica, I can take care of myself."  

Ouch.

That bugged me too.

In bed last night I was trying to process why it had bugged me so much.  I'm still having a hard time with it.   Has the DD lifestyle changed my expectations how husbands should treat their wives, even if they aren't into DD?  Is it fair to compare their reactions to how I would react?

And the whole line about "I can take care of myself."  If I was not into DD, would I be okay with walking in the streets downtown alone?  Has submission totally killed my sense of what I'm capable of doing?