We are just getting back into the "real world" after a week long vacation cruising around the Caribbean.
On our first day we were strolling around one of the decks. (Read: chasing our toddler away from the pool) and noticed a couple talking next to the lounge chairs. The woman leaned in and said something and gave him a grin.
Ok one of my many self proclaimed talents is reading body language. She was TOTALLY giving him that grin. The mischievous "you-can't-swat-me-cause-we're-in-the-middle-of-the-ocean-surrounded-by-people" grin. Trust me I KNOW the look, as I foolishly started flashing the grin to Aaron as soon as we walked on the boat.
He then gave her THAT look. You know the one. The "trust-me-I-can-and-will-swat-you-even-in-the-middle-of-the-Gulf-of-Mexico" look.
I am familiar with that look as well.
I'm declare she had a heatstroke because the woman continued on poking at him with that same grin on her face. She might has well wiggled her backside at him too.
Then things got real guys.
He moved the chair slightly, grabbed her by the arm and said, "That's it! You're in trouble now!" and swatted her four or five times. He let her go and she did the post "I-just-got-swatted-in-public" pout and looked around. They then walked off to the bar.
I'm not making that up. If I was his line would have been much less cliche'.
Meh. He could have done better is all I'm saying.
I don't know how vanillas would have reacted. I kind of wanted to follow them and introduce myself.
"Hi! I'm Monica. Sorry about your tail end but you had it coming. Where are you guys from?"
I just don't know how well that would have worked.
It left me wondering though. What kind of cruise did he put us on?
Our last session was pretty intense and some new buttons were pressed quite hard. It sent me into a very vulnerable state. He was able to guide my mindset into some undiscovered territory, which took me by surprise.
Afterwards in the "glow" we talked about what happened. We discussed what he did and how I reacted so that it might be explored again later. I felt safe and secure enough to just talk. Even the next night when I needed to discuss it more it didn't feel awkward. I was grateful that we have established a good foundation.
Communication is so important.
When Aaron and I were first dating, we spent a great length of time figuring out what "worked" Dd wise for each other. We experimented, and still do to a degree of which punishments were the most effective for both of us. We talked about positions and implements, idealistic rules and "perfect world" scenarios. It's a process that is always developing into something new and exciting.
He began letting me know right away when he felt like he needed to beat me, and in fairness I did the same. It helped us both learn each other's pattern and needs. Today it's not uncommon for me to throw up my hands about a task and say, "You know what? I just need to be BEAT" (and also not uncommon for him to agree wholeheartedly).
I don't necessarily think asking for a session is a bad thing. Sure, if he was only relying on me asking that would be a different story entirely. It does tweak the feeling of a session a bit, feels a little less like "true" discipline at first. But that's easily remedied with the right verbiage and actions from him. In those situations it might have been me asking but I have zero control over any other part of it.
Before I'm accused of being Preachy McGee about communication- I do have a HUGE roadblock about communicating in just about every other aspect of my life. It may shock you, as I usually have lots to say but I have a hard time speaking my mind on things that may upset the other person.
So Aaron may be totally in the dark about how I really feel about the new shirt he purchased this weekend (Until now...Hi Honey!), but by golly he'll know where I stand when it comes to my backside.
This Friday, Aaron surprised me by coming home early, stealing the baby and handing me a wad of cash.
"Go get girlie" he demanded.
He's so mean. See what I put up with?
Sadly, since the addition to our family, the opportunities to have my feet pedicured and such have been far and few between.
I was surprised and excited- but not for what you'd think. What I was really looking forward to was the eyebrow waxing.
Mmmhmm. Delightful. I get giddy thinking about it.
I admit that I am a bit of an odd bird, but surely I'm not alone in thinking that a session with the eyebrow lady is a really a way to get a little sub pleasure in a world surrounded by vanillas.
Anyone who has had anything waxed has got to believe me that it takes some real sub practice to be able to relax during such delicious semi-torturous activities.
Laying there waiting for her to come in the room, I actually had to remind myself to try not to smile after she ripped off the cotton strips- I think it frightens her.
What worries me most about myself is the disappointment I felt when she didn't pull out the tweezers.
"Whatcha doing?"
It's a phrase my sister and I picked up from my grandmother. She would always begin her phone conversation with it.
"Oh nothing, just sitting here, you?"
What I wanted to tell her was that I was busy putting back the implements Aaron had used into the dresser from the night before. I wanted to tell her that we had had a great connecting session- one that was much needed after a long week of the entire family being ill. I wanted to say how silly I feel that I still get butterflies picking up certain items and placing them back in the bag.
I wanted to tell her how Aaron and I laughed together afterwards in that glow.
I wanted to tell her that I had spent the day in a post session haze- floating and calm and warm and loved.
But I kept my mouth shut.
My sister and I have always been close. Twins have a strange bond that is hard to put into words. It frustrates me that I can't share something that is in my day-to-day life. So much of who I am I have to hide from her, and the rest of my family. They know bits and pieces that raise eyebrows for sure.
It's almost like I'm trying to hide something that I'm ashamed of. Nothing could be futher from the truth. I have never felt more like myself.
I know the details of what goes on behind the closed doors shouldn't be shouted from the rooftops, but this journey is so much more than just kink. It's finding my core, exploring my wiring and the peace knowing I fit just right into the little world Aaron and I have created together.
It makes me want to declare to everyone just how awesome it can be for them as well.
Like a Dd sales bunny of sorts. A poster child of just how good life can be when you embrace what we have.
For now the best choice it to show how well this is all going through my actions instead of a megaphone.
But I'd really like to be just out there with it.
He then gave her THAT look. You know the one. The "trust-me-I-can-and-will-swat-you-even-in-the-middle-of-the-Gulf-of-Mexico" look.
