Outsiders Looking In

~ All of us are watchers - of television, of time clocks, of traffic on the freeway - but few are observers. Everyone is looking, not many are seeing. ~ Peter M. Leschak

In a perfect world, or perhaps a world where  I genuinely didn't care what people thought, I would be more open in my lifestyle decisions.   It's hard keeping such a major part of who you are and what you believe away from the people you love and care about.  I can count on one hand the number of "non" DDers  I've spilled my guts to.  In my experience,  not only was it not understood,  the main ideals  were dismissed and my whole lifestyle and belief system was thrown into the kink category.  Needless to say, it's easier to just keep our choices guarded.  There have been a few social situations where my actions are questioned.

"Weren't you cleaning the last time I talked to you?"- I usually get this from family members when the call on the weekends asking what I'm up to.  Housekeeping on Saturday mornings is something that I actually look forward to (gasp!).  There is a calmness in the routine that I have developed.   Starting from one end of the house to the other, my mind is clear and I am happy.   The feelings of accomplishment and pride I have in how I keep our house is mixed with a tone of submission. Housework  has become an expected role and I embrace it.

"You pay for everything in cash"- I usually play this one off with a "oh, you know, we're trying to budget."  The truth is, I'm the one on a budget!  I'm given an allowance, $60 in cash every 2 weeks.  I'm not oblivious to our account or bills, but it's definitely not in my department.  Choosing to use cash keeps the money in the bank  and my backside out of trouble.

"That Monica, she's such a planner" - I'm the most comfortable when my tasks are structured, the day is outlined, etc .   There is one major difference. I prefer to be GIVEN a plan.   My mind gets put at ease when I hear the phrase , "This is how it's going to be".   Usually those decisions are made before we're out in public, so it looks like it was my plan all along :)

I've gotten pretty good at talking things away, but I'm sure if people really looked closely and put a few pieces together, they would know that something was a little different.  (In a good way of course!)