That 3 letter word

This post was inspired by my friend Galway.  Go check out her blog!!

Sir [sur]

                -noun

1. A respectful or formal term of address used to a man: No, sir.

Such a simple definition for a word that for many carries so much weight.  Ask any woman, particularly a woman who has chosen DD as a lifestyle and you will get a reaction as varied as the women you ask.

Early in my DD “journey”, I walked around with a bitter taste in my mouth.   My association with the word could be linked closely to my past. It was uttered forcibly growing up, under less than ideal conditions, giving this particular individual a false sense of respect. 

In my eyes, anyone asking for a Sir was looking for a power trip.  I declared to myself it was a word I would never use again.  Ever.

A discussion with a good  friend helped change my manifesto. 

"Monica, it doesn't have to be demeaning.  Let's redefine it.  You can decide what that word means to you from now on.  Who would deserve that title from you? What would it take? Describe him."

"I'd have to trust him." 

"Ok Monica, that's fair.  Go on."

I reluctantly continued to describe the criteria.  After a few minutes, we had quite an extensive list of requirements (surprisingly, none of these included the provision of chocolate). Then, just when I was getting comfortable with making the demands, he switched gears.

"Monica, what do you want to express to him when you say it?"

This question was a little harder.

What could I pack into this little word, besides the obvious? It meant so much more to me than showing my submission.   That I knew he cared?  Thanks and gratitude?  Awareness of what was being said?  That even though I was vulnerable, I trusted him as well?

Once we got through that list, I admitted that I had a more positive outlook on the whole idea.


"Good.  Now that we have a  brand spanking new definition of the word, you'll have to practice using it. " he said.  "No time like the present, don't you agree?"


"Practice? Yes, sure, I guess"  I totally knew where he was going with this.

"Yes what, Monica?"

I paused and held my breath.

"Yes Sir." I replied. 

"See?  Was that so bad?"  

Since then I can name on one hand the gentlemen that I've felt comfortable enough to address in this manner.  If I was REALLY honest with myself, I would have to also admit that it's much easier for me to type it out in an IM than verbalize it out loud.  I know it pleases Aaron a great deal when I use it and with a little guidance, I'm getting much better at using it without prompting. 

After all, practice makes perfect.